I can’t do it. What the hell am I going to do? Look at him, he’s going to hate me. I just know he’s going to kill me. It’s not like I did this on purpose, wait, scratch that, it’s not like we did this on purpose. I am so fucked!
* * * * * *
Ten years ago my mother and father split up. My mother dragged me out of the house and forced me inside my Uncle Mike’s car, I didn’t want to leave. My mother fastened me into my seat belt while I watched my uncle strapped in my sister in her car seat. She had no idea what was going on.
My name is Travis Rain and my life has been a series of obstacles and challenges. It wasn’t until after my parents separation and immediate divorce did my life get even more complicated.
Upon moving in at my uncle’s house, I learned that I wasn’t going to be seeing my father for a while. I tried to protest, but my mother insisted that I was to not see him until I was told otherwise. So, for the next five months I stay secluded to my room and read my books. I cried every night, all I wanted was my dad. He was my best friend.
One night, about three months after we moved, my uncle came into the house with a giant black eye and a bloody nose. I was sitting in the living room when my mom and Uncle Mike came walking in the house. My mother had just left only thirty minutes earlier for a gig. I sat still and listened. “I can’t believe he did this!” My mother yelled. “What the hell was he thinking.”
“He wasn’t thinking El. He was completely wasted when I walked into Shonda’s. I tried, I really did try to ignore him. I was just trying to give him time to leave before you showed, but no he had to go and fuckin’ punch me.” I watched my mother grab an ice pack from the kitchen while Mike came in where I was sitting. He smiled at me. “Hey bud.”
“Who punched you Uncle Mike?” I asked. I was very curious as to how he ended up with a black eye.
“Nobody. Some reporter.”
Then my mom walked in and turned to me, “don’t you have some homework to do young man?” She asked and I immediately headed upstairs.
Life at my uncle’s house became routine after that night. I went to school, came home, did my homework, and watched television. Uncle Mike and I started to bond a bit more. I started to look up to him. He was a police officer and I was pretty impressed with his uniform. My uncle also helped with my baby sister, Alice. He loved her a great deal. I’d find him tossing her in the air and tickling her. I was glad that Alice was getting love and attention from him, since mom still hadn’t allowed us to see dad.
Shortly after my sister’s birthday, my mom came into my room. “Trav,” she knocked at the door. “can I come in?”
“Sure mom, what’s up?” I asked putting my book down from the bed.
“Well, I just got off the phone with dad, he’s coming home. He really wants to see you and Ally.” My eyes lit up at the news. I was so excited. My father had been gone for what seemed like forever. I couldn’t wait to see him. “Do you think you and your sister could go visit after school on Friday? He wants you guys to stay all weekend.”
I started to jump up and down chanting “I get to see daddy, I get to see daddy!” and my mom only laughed at me. She was happy that I was happy.
My sister was nervous the first time we went to see dad. I held her hand. “It’s okay Ally.”
“What if he doesn’t recognize me? What if he doesn’t want me as a daughter now that I’m older? What if he doesn’t love me?” She asked a million worrying questions.
I sighed and squeezed her hand. “Ally, its dad. He already loves you, and he will never stop loving either of us. That’s why he’s our dad.”
Life for the most part was great after dad came home. I was really happy. During the week I spent my time with my mom and Uncle Mike. My mom and him would often play music for my sister and I, and the two of us would dance. I loved my sister, well, mostly. We did sometimes fight, but doesn’t all siblings do that?
At dad’s, my sister and I would play and hang out a lot. She loved her gift she got from him when he came back from Egypt. He bought me a book about mummies and I found myself reading it all the time and learning about it. My sister and I would also watch movies on the sofa while dad worked on his garden, farm, or whatever you want to call his small plot of weeds he has in the back.
Sometimes though my sister would leave me to help my dad. I hated gardening and planting and doing God knows what else outside. When she left me, I always found myself going into my room and reading a book. I started to read a new series I found at my school’s library, “The Misguided and Unfortunate Boy Called Wolfe” by Sky Tragedy.
Then my world came crashing down one morning. I woke earlier than normal and was excited about heading to school. I came down the stairs and I froze. That’s when I saw my mom and my uncle kissing. It wasn’t a friendly kiss either, no it was a real romantic kiss. My uncle had his hands on my mom’s waist and he started to lower them down to her butt. I screamed, “NOOOOOO!” and ran upstairs in a fit of rage. I locked my door and sat on my bed crying.
My mom came up and knocked on the door, “sweetie, open up.” She called out to me.
“No!” I screamed and threw a book at the door. I was furious. Deep in my heart I always hoped that my mom and dad would get back together again. My dad was madly in love with my mom. I was the one that heard his cries at night even if he didn’t know. Some nights I could even hear him talking to himself. I once opened his door and found him talking to a picture he held. Later, I discovered it was a picture of my mom from their wedding day. Now, I knew that my mom truly felt differently. There wasn’t anyway of getting my parents back together. It would never be like those movies where a kid manipulates his parents and they fall back in love.
It wasn’t soon after the kiss that my mom sat my sister and I down on the couch. She was holding Uncle Mike’s hand. “Kids, your uncle and I have some news to share.” She said smiling at him. It was disgusting.
“Travis, Alice, last night while your mom and I played for a huge crowd. . .” He paused looking back at my mom and smiling. “I interrupted the show last night just before we finished our set and I took your mom out from behind her drums, and well, I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me.”
My sister gasped. I clenched my teeth and narrowed my eyes at them. I was furious. “No! You can’t marry her!” I yelled at Mike. “She’s not yours to marry!” Then I ran back up the stairs. Both Mike and my mom looked hurt, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want a new father, I only wanted my dad.
Life after the proposal went down hill for me. I was so mad and angry at my mom that I just started to act out. My mouth became the best of me and I swore, a lot. My parents and Uncle Mike were always putting me into time out or even grounding me. My dad would threatened me with a spanking, I didn’t think he would ever hit me. Boy was I wrong. My mom would scream and yell, and since I was use to her screaming she never scared me.
Uncle Mike scared me the most, he was a police officer and when I got out of line he really looked as if he could kill me. He would cross his arms in front of him and glare at me. “Boy,” he would say, “do you want to go upstairs?” I always coward under his glare.
“No.” I ended up starting to cry.
“Then I suggest you close that lip of yours are start acting respectfully around here.”
One warning, that was all I got. If I even tried to cross him he would send me up to my room where I had to sit on my bed for the rest of the evening.
What’s worse is when they would gang up on me. If I was in trouble with one of them, I was in trouble with all of them. It wasn’t fair!
Uncle Mike tried to fix the situation. He called me up to my room one afternoon and when I walked in I was taken back. On my desk sat a brand new computer. “Well, what do you think?”
“Is it just for me?” I asked still in awe at the computer.
“Yup, and I installed a new game on it.” He picked up a box and I looked at it. The box had an elf on the cover and the title read, “World of Warcraft.” Mike set me down at the computer wrote down a screen name and password on a post-it note and placed it on the bottom of my screen. “This is how you login and play.” He and I sat there and together and he taught me how to play. Then he left, and soon after I got a little whisper on the chat log.
Snolas tells Rumplelock: Hey it’s Mike. I’m downstairs. I’m gonna add you to my guild.
The next thing I know I get a message, “Snolas has invited you to: Among Friends Guild.” I clicked accept. By the end of the week, I was lvl 12 and I didn’t want to quit for the weekend. I was hooked. But dad insisted on me spending the weekend there.
After finding WoW, as I like to call it, I started to take lesser interests with other things. I hated school. I started to act out more, and I’m not too sure as to why I did. My mouth always seemed to get the better of me and I was often called to the principal’s office.
At home, well mom’s home, I was in trouble a lot. Mike would have to unplug the computer most afternoons, which found me more upset than anything else. I would scream and yell and swear until they gave me back the computer. “No!” Mike once yelled back at me. “Until you start giving your mom and I more respect, you are no longer allowed to play WoW. I am cancelling your subscription tonight.” This only made me more angry.
At dad’s I was worse because he didn’t even own a computer and there wasn’t anything to do but watch the television or read. I started to act out and was often yelled at and sent to my room.
Then one day, I snapped. My sister was begging me to go fishing with her and all I wanted to do was finish my book. She tore the book from my hands and ripped the binding. I went after her and she ran. I went to pull her down and I accidently pulled out a huge chunk of hair. She ran before I could apologize, screaming. I saw her run straight to dad outside. He looked at me and motioned me over to him with his finger. I bolted and he chased after me for a block. Then he dragged me home.
“Inside now!” He yelled as we got to the house. I was kicking and screaming and somehow I managed to kick him in the groin. My eyes widen with horror as he went down in pain. I just stood there and cried, apologizing and begging him to forgive me. He grabbed me by the wrist and marched me into the house.
“I’m sorry!” I screamed. He didn’t care. He turned me around, grabbed my pants down to expose my butt and started to spank me. I was screaming with each blow to my butt. Then he turned me to face him. “I want you inside that room now!” He yelled and pointed at my bedroom door. I was crying. I nodded and headed inside the room. I laid on my bed crying as I rubbed my butt.
Shortly after that my life changed forever. My dad had picked me up from school after I was caught spray painting a wall. A few days later I found my parents at my dad’s waiting for me. Both my parents looked very upset at me. They sat me down and told me that I was going to camp for a month. It was for young boys who acted out. I pleaded and cried, I even promised that I would stop picking on Alice and using fowl language. They didn’t back down. My dad had his arms crossed and he was furious.
The next day I was shipped off to Camp “Pain” as I called it. It was actually Camp Wayne and it was an outdoors camp for troubled kids and teens. My uncle was my so-called counselor, and he was ruthless. I hated him. I spent a month there and I returned home just shy of my fourteenth birthday. I was to start high school in a week, my birthday was that weekend. My parents sat me down again at my dad’s house. “Son,” he said crossing his arms, “your mom and I have made a decision.”
“What now?” I asked. He stiffened up, probably mad that I didn’t call him “sir” or something. I came home really pissed off at my parents. I resented them for sending me to an “attitude adjustment” camp.
“Your mother and I have enrolled you in the ROTC program at the High School.” He said crossing his arms again. My mom nodded affirmative. I was stunned.
“What! Why? What the hell did I do now?” I asked.
“We think it will be good for you. Maybe teach you some respect and discipline.” My mother said to me.
“This is. . . This is bullshit!” I yelled and stormed out of the house. I ended up getting picked up by my Uncle Mike later that night, who was searching for me. He wasn’t mad, but he wasn’t all too happy.
Because I was so mad at my dad, I decided I wanted to celebrate my birthday without him. My Uncle convinced my mom to throw me a pool party for me and just my friends. My mom came, but not because I wanted her to. I asked my dad not to come. I didn’t care if he was hurt by this, he already put me through hell. This was my birthday and I didn’t want him near me.
About a year or so later I found myself with my Uncle Mike watching Monday Night Football. My mom came running down the stairs screaming and yelling excitedly. She ran in the living room, “ITS PINK!” She cried out to my step-dad. (They were married while I was at camp.) We both looked up, she was holding a white stick. I went back to watching the game, Mike rose from the sofa and walked towards her. He gave her the most passionate kiss I had ever seen a man give to a woman. I guess Mike really wanted to have a baby.
The day after I found out I was going to have a baby brother or sister, my life changed again. I was heading to math (my favorite subject) when I caught a glimpse of a poster. It read, “MOCK TRIAL TEAM TRYOUTS! Come join today!” I knocked on the door to the speech class and found Mr. Dumphry. “Sir,” I walked in, “What’s a mock trial and why do we have a team?“
“It’s a team of students who go around and compete in mock trials, like a pretend court system. Our school is one of the best in the state. Are you interested Mr. Rain?”
“When do they meet?” I asked.
“Every Wednesday and Friday after school.” I moaned in frustration, I had ROTC on Monday’s, Wednesday’s and Friday’s. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong?” He asked me.
“I have ROTC. I really would love to do this. It’s sound like something I would be good at too,” I looked at the poster. I loved giving speeches in his class and debating against other students. I also loved the law system. Uncle Mike and I always talked about crime and the law system. It was also no secret that I hated ROTC and the military.
My teacher looked at me. “Tell you what, I’ll save you a spot for the tryouts next week and if you make it, then we’ll talk to Cmdr. Harkness in letting you quit.” I nodded and headed back out of the hallway. I knew I had no chance in quitting ROTC, not unless both my parents signed a form allowing me to do so.
I went home that day, and sat next to Uncle Mike. “Mike can I talk to you?” I asked looking at him.
“Sure bud, what’s on your mind?” I told him about the Mock Trial Team and how I loved Mr. Dumphry’s class and giving speeches. I told him how I really thought about ROTC. I then told him my greatest secret, “Mike, did you know that I have the highest grade point average in school?” He looked at me in shock. No one ever saw my grades, I always hid my report cards.
“Your joking, right?” He asked, taken back. I pulled out my latest report card, all A’s.
“I want to do this Uncle Mike. But I can’t if I’m in ROTC.” He looked at me and nodded.
“I’ll talk to El. But you know, you need one other signature on that form and I can’t sign it.” He told me, looking at the form I had for quitting ROTC. I only nodded.
After getting the okay from mom, all I needed was my dad’s signature. My mom was totally impressed with my grades. She couldn’t believe it. I went to my dad’s early on Friday, still dressed in my ROTC gear and went to the bathroom. I needed to prepare myself. I looked in the mirror and practice out what I was going to say to him. I heard the front door open and the television turn on. Dad was home from the market.
I walked out and stood in front of my father like a soldier. “Dad, sir, I would like permission to talk to you about my future.” My father looked at me, he hinted a smile. I stood in place and waited.
“Alright what’s on your mind?” He asked finally.
“I would like to discuss my future with ROTC. May I please sit?” He nodded with another hint of a smile. He was liking this.
“Dad,” I pulled out my report card. It won over mom, I hope it would win him over. “Dad, I have the highest grade point average in school.” I handed the report card over. He just stared at it. “I would like permission to quit the ROTC and get involved with a different extra curricular activity.”
“Go on.” He said, not hinting if he was agreeing to this, but I was hoping he was already on board.
“I want to get involved with the Mock Trial Team at our school and compete. It will help me prepare for college, and law school. Dad, I want to be a lawyer.” He just sat there and contemplated while I watched him.
“No.” He finally said. I almost protested but he started up again. “And I will tell you why. You still give me attitude and your mother. And as much as admire your academic progress, I can’t help but feel as though you could benefit from the ROTC. If you graduate with them, you can get into an academy, and head to college free. Well, okay not totally free, you’d be giving the service 10 years at most, but you’ll be an Officer. You can still be a lawyer, JAG Officers are great.”
I sighed. He didn’t get it. “Dad, I’m not going to join the service. I hate the military. I want to go to Academie Le Tour, they have the best Law program. I’m sorry.” I looked up at my dad. He wasn’t too thrilled with me.
He sighed and took the slip I had and signed his name. “This is what you really want?”
“Yes. I can do this dad.” He handed me the slip and I hugged him. “Thank you.” I cried and he just patted my back.
It turned out that the Mock Trial Team would be a huge turning point in my life. It was the place that I met her. Rose Conner was standing in the classroom. She was acting as the prosecuting lawyer and I was acting as the defense lawyer. We were preparing for a tournament coming in the next week. My eyes were on her as she gave out her opening statement. My heart fluttered. I had been crushing on her since I joined the team.
That week I was over at her house every day. We were working on our arguments together. Sometimes we fought about what we were going to argue. Yet we were very civil. She and I both were very serious about this tournament, and we wanted to win. This was going to be our first tournament of the year.
Shortly after we won the tournament, Rose and I found ourselves dating. I was in love and I think she felt the same way. We were always at my dad’s or her place. With mom being pregnant and the house having to walk on eggshells, I just decided not to tell her about Rose. Hell, Uncle Mike was having a hard time keeping her happy. I can only imagine what she would say if she found out I had a girlfriend. The woman is nuts!
Although now I wished I had told her, it would have been so much easier. . . .
A little over a month ago I found myself at her house. We were watching a movie and making out. Well, okay, mostly we were making out. Then I felt her hand on my leg. Which was fine, she’s done that before. Then I felt it wonder up my thigh. My heart was pounding. She slowly moved her hand up towards my crotch. My heart was racing. She whispered in my ear as she started to rub me in a way that I only dreamt about in the shower. “Lets go upstairs.” She said into my ear.
By the time we got upstairs she had fully undressed me, and I had her down to her bra and underwear. My glasses were in my hand and hers were on the banister. I had her body pressed against my naked self. I thumbed her underwear as we kissed, wanting to pull them down next. She unsnapped her bra, and I helped her remove it.
She walked me towards a door. I slid her underwear off as she worked the door handle. We walked inside and she searched a drawer while I admired her beautiful body. She flicked me a square package and I quickly picked it up from the ground. I tore it open and prepared myself. The next thing I knew we were under the covers in her bed.
That moment was the first time I could actually remember being happy. I had fallen for the girl of my dreams. “I love you Rose.” I told her as I kissed her.
“I love you too Travis.” We laid in bed for what seemed like eternity. She had her head on my chest and I was playing with her belly, making her laugh. She would go for my ticklish spot and together we would laugh more. I kissed her on her forehead. We were tired from the day’s activity and it was getting late.
“I have to get going babe. Mom will shit her pants if I don’t get home before curfew.”
Then the door opened. . .
I was dragged out of that bed so fast I didn’t even know what was going on. I heard Rose scream and then cower under the covers, obviously covering her nude body from someone. “What the fuck do you think you are doing with my daughter!” He screamed. OH SHIT! Mr. Conner had come home earlier than either Rose and I anticipated. “Answer me, or I swear I will kill you where you stand!”
“I. . . um. . . Rose?” I looked over at the bed and Rose’s eyes were so wide I was surprise that they hadn’t fallen out of their sockets. Mr. Conner looked down and saw the used condom that had fallen onto the floor when he dragged me off of the bed. He started to breath heavily, I was backed up against the wall, and no where to hide. His eyes may have been blue, but I knew he only saw red.
Rose was crying, “daddy, please, don’t hurt him.” He didn’t even look at her, he was staring right at me. I stood frozen in fear.
“You have three seconds to get out of my house before I go get my shotgun. And if I EVER see you in this house again, I will kill you. Do you understand me boy?”
That man didn’t have to tell me twice. I was out of Rose’s house so fast that I almost forgot my clothes. I had them in hand, and I ran out as I pulled up my boxers. That night would haunt me for the rest of my life, I tell you. My heart was pounding as I ran, I feared that Mr. Conner would be coming after me, quite possibly changing his mind about killing me. Then as I was hiding out in a bush putting on the rest of my clothes, another fear took hold, what if he called my folks? How would I explain what we just did?
I didn’t have anywhere to go. I couldn’t go home, my mom was already crazy as it was. If she found out I had been at a girl’s place, let alone this late at night, I wouldn’t survive a minute. She was a bitch when she was pregnant. So, I did the only thing I could think of, I went to dad’s. It was dark, he was in bed when I unlocked the door. I snuck in and tip-toed to my bedroom. I would wait till morning to seek out my punishment from him.
“Morning.” I said as I walked in the kitchen. At that moment, pancake batter flew from the mixer and landed on the ceiling. My dad turned with his hand on his chest. I had never seen him jump so high.
“What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?” He asked trying to breath. “And why the hell are you here? It’s Thursday! Does mom know you’re here?”
“Nope. I snuck in last night after I left a homecoming party. I’m sorry. I told mom I was gonna stay with you, I told her I wanted some alone time with my old man and talk about stuff that only we can talk about. She didn’t care.” I shrugged my shoulders. I was a pretty damn good liar.
He turned around and faced me, “did you drink?” he asked.
“No. It just ran late and I couldn’t afford going home after curfew. It’s okay right?” I gave him a sad puppy eye look and hoped he believe my lies.
“As long as you didn’t drink, I don’t care. Now, do you want breakfast?”
“Sure.” Wow, that was easy.
A few weeks went by, and the only thing that really happened was, well nothing. That was until Rose came by my dad’s house. I was heading up to the porch after yelling at dad. He wasn’t allowing me to go to a Rafters Concert downtown. Rafters were my favorite Jazz band. As I was mumbling back up to the house I noticed Rose there. “Hey babe!” I called out and she turned. She had been crying. “Rose, what’s wrong?”
“Trav, I’m late.” Then she handed me a little white stick that looked all too familiar.
“No, no, no, no.” I mumbled as I took it. “But we – How did this – We were so careful!“
“I know.” She started to cry. I wrapped my arm around her. “I don’t know what to do.”
I looked at her with tears forming. “Just promise me, you’ll tell me what you decide. I want to be there, no matter what you do.” She nodded. And we both just stood there and held each other.
A few weeks later I got a call from Rose. She had been absent from school that day, apparently she was sick with the “flu.” I headed to her house. She let me in and just stood there in the entry way. “Travis, I’m keeping it.” She told me.
I started to rub my head. I thought of all the dreams I had and I exploded the metaphorical bomb in the middle of them and evaporated them all. Everything I once wanted was now out of my grasp. “Well, I guess, if that’s what you want Rose, I’ll support you and the baby.”
“I’m sorry. I know you were hoping for a different outcome, but I just don’t see any other option. I won’t go and get this “fixed” and I can’t give up a baby. It would just be too hard.”
“So, when do we tell Mr. Conner?” I asked, still trying to wrap my head around this.
“I’ll tell him tonight, you, you have to tell your parents.” I just sunk to the floor. My parents! “I’m so sorry Travis.”
That night, I didn’t go home. I headed straight to a bar. I flashed my fake I.D. to the bartender and ordered a scotch. I downed it in one gulp and ordered another. The bartender looked at me. “You sure you want to go down this route Travis?” All the bartenders knew me, I had been coming in here since I was toddler watching my mother play in the band. I nodded. The bartender handed me another drink. She knew I wasn’t 21, but she also saw the pain I was in.
After about six or seven scotches I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Thanks for calling Linda.” Mike said. I flinched a bit. I was completely drunk at this moment. I looked up at him, he was in his uniform. “Come on, lets get you home.”
In the squad car, Mike didn’t say a word to me. Then we passed the house. I knew I was completely drunk, but I did know my own house. “Mike, you just passed –“
“I know. I’m not taking you in there.” I glanced over at him. “You really think I am that crazy? I am not about to walk in that house with my drunk step-son to my very pregnant and hormonal wife.” I nodded. He had a point.
My dad came out of the house. Mike looked very disappointed in me as he stood with his arms cross next to me. “What’s up Mike?” My dad said walking outside.
“Ask him.” Mike responded. My dad eyed me.
“Travis?” He looked more closely at me, and then he smelt it. I was reeking of booze. He looked at Mike again. Mike nodded to confirm my dad’s suspicions. “Travis inside now.”
“Fuck you.” I bellowed. Man I was wasted. I heard Mike chuckle. “It’s not like you’ve never been drunk.” I again spat at my dad. I still can’t believe I said that.
“Inside now!” My dad screamed. I walked in, tripping myself in the doorway. I heard Mike chuckle again, followed by my dad.
The next morning I woke up and dragged myself to the bathroom. My head was pounding. I splashed water on my face and looked at my bloodshot eyes. Dammit! I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream. I wanted to pull the mirror off the wall and throw it across the bathroom. I wanted to do something to get my frustrations out. All my dreams had been shattered because of one stupid night and a damn broken condom. I ended up breaking down in tears.
My dad took me and my sister to France a few days later. I had forgotten about the trip to France. I wanted to tell my dad, but I wasn’t going to tell him in France. He was already pissed off about my mom being pregnant. My sister and I had neglected to mention that fact to him. He was furious with us. I guess we should have warned him before he went to go visit my mom.
France was okay. I didn’t enjoy it much. I had bigger things on my mind than visiting a foreign place, like how much diapers were going to cost me. I knew I was going to have to get a part-time job to support Rose and the baby. I text Rose before I got on the plane and told her where I was going to be for the week. I got a reply when I landed, “Great. Well, then I’ll just wait till you get back to tell my dad. I chickened out last night. He was in a mood.” So, I had a week to live.
In France, while my dad and sister enjoyed themselves, I kept to myself. I bought a few things at the store and went to the library and museum. I wounded up in wine country on one of the days. My sister told me that dad really wanted to go and sip a glass. She also told me she dragged him away from there and banned him from going back. So, I did what any person in my position would do, I went and bought him the most expensive bottle I could afford. That way after I tell him he’s gonna be a grandfather so early in life, he could get shitfaced and not kill me. I also stole some grapes from the farm. Hehehehe.
At night though, I cried. I hated myself. I was in a beautiful place and across the world, Rose was pregnant. All I ever wanted was a life, a life that mattered. I wanted to be a lawyer, I wanted money, I wanted to be a huge success, then and only then did I want a family. I didn’t want to marry Rose, and I certainly didn’t want a child with her this early in my life. I was only fifteen for heavens sake! I calculated in my head, and figured that by the time the baby came I would be sixteen. Sixteen and a father, UHG! I cried, it was all I could do. My life was over.
I couldn’t keep my secret in. I was going crazy. Alice walked in my hotel room after I had been crying for over an hour. “Travis?” She looked at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Ally, I messed up big time.” I looked at her. My heart was racing. “Rose is pregnant.”
Alice stood there and just looked at me. She gently touched my shoulder and in that instant I flew into her arms, crying on her shoulder. “It’s okay Travis.”
“Mom and dad are going to kill me!” I cried out. “I’m so fucked!”
She took me and looked deep into my eyes. “Travis, remember what you said about dad all those years ago? How he loved me? Remember you said how mom and dad would never stop loving us?” I nodded. “They will still love you Travis, and they’ll love their grandchild. You just have to give them a chance.”
That night my sister slept with me as I cried in her arms. She stroked my back until I fell asleep. She continued to reassure me that everything was going to be alright.
When I returned home I went to my mom’s. Mom gave me a huge hug and then one to my sister. “I missed you guys so much!” She cried out and then started to cry. Alice looked at me, I only nodded. “Is Uncle Mike around?” She asked my mom.
“Upstairs dear, getting ready for work.” Alice headed up the stairs with a small bag. I looked at my mom. She was radiant and had a nice round bump. I went and stroked her belly. “Aw Travis, I’ve missed your caring warm touch.” She said in her soft voice.
I looked back up at her with a tear in my eye. “Mom, I have something to tell you.”
“What is it dear?” She asked wiping my tear from my eye. “You know you can tell your mother anything.”
I hung my head down as the tears poured. “Mom, my girlfriend, who’ve I been seeing for a while, well. . .” I looked up at her, I had to look her in the eyes. “Mom, she’s pregnant.”
My mom didn’t say anything. Not a word. She just looked at me and then my luggage. She grabbed it and placed it outside. “Mom?” I asked choked up. She pointed to the door. I could tell she was holding in her anger and her tears. “Mom –“ She just shook her head. I walked out and started to cry. She had kicked me out of her life. My own mother didn’t even say a word.
Now I was standing in front of my father who just got home from the market. Rose was waiting for me to call. Dad was our last hope, if he wasn’t going to let us stay, we would be leaving tonight for Bridgeport. I had my grandparents there and my uncle that I could try and get some help from, but pretty much we would be on our own.
“Dad, I have something to tell you. . . .”